In Repose Blog

Estate Planning

(The following story presented with thanks to Jamie Sue Austin)

Dan was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business. When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed a wife with whom to share his fortune.

One evening at an investment meeting he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away.

'I may look like just an ordinary man,' he said to her, 'But in just a few years, my father will die, and I'll inherit 20 BILLION dollars.'

Impressed, the woman obtained his business card and, three days later, she became his stepmother.

Women are so much better at estate planning than men.

Death of the Doughboy

--Author unknown

Please join me in remembering a great icon of the enttertainment community. The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and trauma complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71.

         
Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch. The grave site was piled high with flours.

     

Aunt Jemema delivered the eulogy and lovingly described Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded. Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times he still was a crusty old man and was considered a positive roll model for millions.

Doughboy is survived by his wife Play Dough, two children, John Dough and Jane Dough, plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart. The funeral was held at  350 degrees for about 20 minutes.

If this made you smile, please rise to the occassion and pass along the link to this post and share that smile with someone else who may be having a crumby day and kneads it.

The Funeral Bill

Pete told the mortician to spare no expense for his father's funeral. So when the bill for $4,000 arrived after the funeral, Pete paid it. The next month, he recieved a bill for $85. He paid it, figuring it had been left off the original tally.

A month later, after recieving another bill for $85, Pete called the funeral director.
"You said you wanted the best funeral we could arrange," the director told him. "So I rented him a tux."

(Speaking of clothing the deceased, come back tomorrow when our Ask Our Funeral Professional column returns with Tim Totten answering the question, "How do you dress a corpse?")

Rather Die than Pay your Cell Phone Bill?

One fellow tried to make it seem that way for him. Trying to bypass a $175 early termination fee, a Verizon customer tried to fake his own death.

Frustrated and determined to get out of his contract, a Mr. Taylor fabricated a fake death certificate and convinced a friend to fax it in. Verizon caught on to the scheme and in the end Mr. Taylor paid his bill. His contention that a string of defective cellphones and a host of dropped calls drove him to this desperate measure. He said that he "hoped he sent a definite message about how much people hate being strapped to a cellphone that doesn't work."

Misdirected Email

A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier.   Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left  Minnesota and flew to  Florida on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day.  

The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an email to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and without realizing his error, sent the email.  

Meanwhile, somewhere in  Houston , a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a minister who was called home to glory following a heart attack.  

The widow decided to check her email expecting messages from relatives and friends.

After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've Arrived.
Date: October 16, 2006

I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in. I've seen that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow.   Looking forward to seeing you then!  Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.

P.S. Sure is hot down here!

The Country Funeral

(Tim Totten's recent blog entry at FinalEmbrace reminded me of this joke.)

As a young minister, I was asked by a funeral director to hold a graveside service in a new cemetery for a derelict man (with no family or friends) who had died while traveling through the area.

The cemetery was way back in the country. This man would be the first to be laid to rest at this new cemetery.

As I was not familiar with the backwoods area, I became lost.

Being the typical man I didn't stop for directions. And when I finally arrived an hour late, I saw a crew and a backhoe, but the hearse was nowhere in sight.

The workmen were eating lunch. I apologized for my tardiness, but the workers just looked puzzled. I stepped to the side of the open grave, to find the vault lid already in place.

I assured the workers I would not hold them long, but this was the proper thing to do.

As the workers gathered around, still eating their lunch. I poured out my heart and soul.

As I preached, the workers began to say "Amen," "Praise the Lord" and "Glory," (they must have all been Baptist).

I preached, and I preached, like I'd never preached before. I began from Genesis and worked all the way through to Revelation. I preached for 45 minutes.

It was a long service. Finally, I closed in prayer and it was finished.

As I was walking to my car, I felt that I had done my duty and I would leave with a renewed sense of purpose and dedication, in spite of my tardiness.

As I was opening the door and taking off my coat, I overheard one of the workers saying to another.......

"Ya know, I've been putting in septic tanks for 20 years, but I ain't never seen anything like that before."

The Killer Joke

"And now, for something completley different!"

Monty Python's Flying Circus is arguably the most influential comedy series ever broadcast.Younger readers of In Repose Blog may not be familiar with Monty Python, which first aired on television in 1969. What better way to introduce them than to watch "The Funniest Joke in the World"?  Watching the clip I am struck by how our attention spans must be constantly shrinking. The clip was well worth 9 minutes of laughter and brought back fond memories of a great television classic...

Cell Phone Karma

This youtube clip is only 30 seconds long. Enjoy!

Death By Computer

Fair Warning: Cartoon Violence Ahead.

In ten little seconds this animator completely captures the human -computer relationship we all have had at some point.

I bet some of my MAC friends would flatly deny that supposition and claim loudly that only a PC user could have possibly have felt the frustration necessary to create this little gem.

Wouldn't you love to know what operating system the animator was on during the inspriation? I would.

Chuckles Bites the Dust

"A little song, a little dance, a little seltzer in your pants."--Chuckles the Clown.

Lets lighten up today a bit, shall we?

For those of who were not yet born or grew up in the 1980s or later,  I'd like to take you back to 1975 for some supreme television comedy. These were the days where you could count all the available channels on one hand..imagine that!

Sitcoms were in their hey-day and while some of the set ups and gags seem a bit staged to us now in 2007, they really were not for their time. Step back 32 years with me and lets have a little laugh.

October 25, 1975, the 127th episode  of the Mary Tyler Moore Show, "Chuckles Bites the Dust" aired. The show was set in a TV newsroom, and Lou, played by Ed Asner has just learned that WJM-TV's children's show host, Chuckles the Clown, has accidentally been killed by an elephant... while dressed as a giant peanut!

Chuckles' death provokes numerous newsroom jokes by Murray, Lou, and Ted. Mary who nearly always played the "straight-man" to the rest of the cast's jokes, finds her co-workers' gallows humor crass and lectures them all about their insensitive remarks.

During the funeral service, the tables turn, and the always proper, straight-laced Mary completely "loses it" and Mary Tyler Moore performs a truly classic piece of expert comedic acting, putting "Chuckles"  into the can as one of the single most talked about episodes in the show's seven year run.

The following you tube video clip is priceless whether you remember it from way back when or just now seeing it for the first time: