Dreaming of Death

I had the following dream last night:

I was very tired. I was fighting my body, my health, (something I do in my every day life.)

I decided enough was enough and I was going to do something radical. I felt like I was being pushed into considering desperate measures to save myself, because time was running out.  All conventional roads had been taken, explored, and were failures. There was something I could do to save myself but it was a very ugly last resort.  I knew it was despicable, but I had no choice, unless I was prepared to succumb to death and I was not ready for that at all.

I went to see my identical twin. (Now in real life I have no such thing, I don't even have a sister.) I was envious of her health and vitality. She was always strong and glowing, had never dealt with chronic pain or the myriad of other health complications that I have had to deal with for most of my 46 years. From afar I have been jealous of her almost my whole life. I felt slighted and cheated. Why did she deserve health and I did not?

I decided to trick her. To kidnap her. I was going to take from her the thing I wanted more than anything.

It was twilight and I took her to the ocean. I put her on a small boat and we sailed out until we could see no land. We spoke no words. I was in control. She was wary but unafraid. She did not know my plans. When we were all alone, and had no view of anything save ourselves and the circle of the sea that surrounded us, I made my move.

I took her body by the shoulders. I shook her, and wrestled her surprised soul from her physical self. I set it free to the dark sky above and then leaped quickly into her body while my own crumpled to the floor of the boat. My timing was perfect. I kicked the sick and worn out body that I used to occupy into the water and watched it slowly sink. I stood with the breeze of the ocean blowing through my hair, looking to the moon and clouds and thought to myself that my new life had just begun. I felt strong and healthy and full of energy in a fresh, lean, unbroken body.

Almost Immediately, my elation turned into incredible guilt, and then, paralyzing terror. In my rush to complete the act of stealing my twin's body I forgot the tide and the direction of the sea currents! My old body would surely float to shore. My secret would be discovered. I would be found out. I would be labeled a murderer and have to spend the rest of my long and healthy days in prison. Oh what have I done?

I sailed the boat back to the wooden dock with my stomach in knots, and a shaking with a cold sweat of fear covering my body. The only thing to do now was wait for the inevitable.

This dream has followed me closely today. I am trying to acknowledge the good symbolism in it, a desire to be healthy and leave some old bad habits behind and become healthy. The murdering of my non-existent identical twin is still pretty much creeping me out, though. I don't think I have killed anyone before in my dreams!

Have you?